Roadside Systems kicked off the Summer internship program with the annual cage boxing fight. This event occurs the weekend before work starts and serves as an assessment of the interns’ commitment to Roadside Systems and their readiness for the highly challenging position.

In the first fight of the night, Charlie and George decided to really leave it all in the cage. This was one of the more vicious fights we’ve seen here at RSS. Charlie and George traded punches back and forth, battering each other, but neither would go down. At the end of the third round, Charlie won by unanimous decision.

However, the night did not go as smoothly as Chris expected. After the fight, Charlie decided he was Justin Gaethje and attempted a backflip off the side of the cage and broke his foot. Seeing this, George became angry that Charlie had shown greater company dedication and punched the ground, also breaking the same bone in his hand.

We have run into a serious problem as Charlie and George have teamed up and threatened to use Charlie’s law skills to sue Chris. Hopefully he signs each of them a bonus before they take him to court.

The second fight between Deven and Lexi was much less exciting. Lexi was so unthreatened by Deven that she didn’t show up to Roadside Systems for two weeks. Deven, on the other hand, was so excited to fight, he flew in from New York and spent six weeks at RSS waiting.

During the two weeks Lexi was gone, Chris asked Deven to help decode the situation, but Deven was unable to. His Computer Science Degree is really paying off.

After proving their dedication to the company, it was time for Chris to cast each intern into a position. He planned for Deven to work on software, and Charlie and George to work on hardware. We’re a little worried they might have brain damage because they misinterpreted their roles so badly that we were able to create a list out of their mistakes.

1. Charlie showed up late and George left early on the first day. Their reasoning was to get an X-ray. Chris told them to start a joint Excel, not get a joint X-ray.
2. Chris asked Deven, “Doesn’t your resume say you code?” and Deven responded with a hard “Where?”
3. Instead of working on our hardware, George showed up wearing a hard cast. He said, “I thought you said I had to work in hardware?” Idiot.
4. Charlie messed up even worse, because he showed up in a soft boot. So, not only did he believe he was working in software, but also showed up in software.
5. Chris told Deven to have patience with his fellow interns, but instead he decided to have patients as his fellow interns.
6. Lexi was asked to pick up Miranchito for lunch, but decided to grab mojitos for lunch.
7. Two weeks into the internship, Deven finally realized he was supposed to work on software. He finally began learning to code.
8. Many more confusions that have happened since you’ve read this blog.

We hope that eventually our interns will figure themselves out. Roadside Systems is now looking to hire a Neuralink programmer so we can build better interns. If anyone has a connection, let us know!

Thanks for reading.